feeling all the feels

Whenever I've been asked to describe my ideal life - the vision I have for it - I always go for something along the lines of: two dogs, a sexy (and fast!) car, a hunky hubby, a baller job, a spacious pad, tons of travel, etc.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this. I think knowing exactly what you want is a huge thing - it's a sign that you've thought about the future, you've thought about what you need to do to get what you want and you (probably) have your sh*t together.

Bottom line, I've never been asked how I want to FEEL. And I've definitely never been advised to make my life decisions, choose that fork in road, step outside of my comfort zone, based on those feelings - until now. #gamechanger. Danielle LaPorte, ladies and gents. She is the reigning queen of truth bombs, let me tell ya. I've been digging into her book The Fire Starter Sessions and oh man, has she got my full attention.

So, I wrote down all the things I want to feel. This includes (but is certainly not limited to): playful, free, generous, thoughtful, creative, adventurous, loved, worthy, and the list goes on - for like 23 more words. And then, I stared at that piece of paper - for how long, I'm not sure. A good long while. And I started to see a different kind of future - one that is way more aligned with who I am at my core, my soul, than ever before. And DAMN it felt good. It was awesome and blissful and exciting all rolled into one.

In the book she has you go through a few steps to narrow it down and hone in on what you're really trying to feel, and which ones are most important to you. So, I whittled down my list of all the feels I want to feel each and every day: creative, confident, playful, connected and generous. Boom. I'm excited just thinking about the blissful combination these five feelings stir up inside of me.

Then, something happened. I fucked up - major. Like an ENORMOUS fuck up. (Sorry for all the F bombs, you guys - but I think it's completely necessary to hit my point home.) I felt horrible, embarrassed, guilty, and even physically sick - but instead of suppressing all of it, I owned it. I made it my bitch, and I came out the other side feeling like I could conquer the world - more empowered than ever. This mistake was my wake up call, my earth-shattering light bulb moment. By feeling the dead opposite of my ideal state of mind, a flip switched in my head. Just like that, I realized that I have the choice to never feel this way again - and that I also have the choice to feel all those juicy feelings I so crave. It was no coincidence that I had been reading this book by Danielle Laporte - not at all. I was meant to read it exactly when I did, I'm sure of it.

I've said this before, but I am ready to live in choice, to reach my full potential, to live and breathe my dream life each and every day - and I think this is exactly how I'm going to get there. I am 5000% up to the challenge of aligning my thoughts with my actions and being in complete integrity with all of it - including holding myself accountable despite speed bumps and roadblocks that are sure to pop up along the way. I will actively pursue how I want to feel and make decisions based on my fab five: playful, connected, generous, confident and creative. And if I come across something that isn't going to get me to my dream boat, something that feels all wrong, I'll know that it wasn't meant for me. I will let it go with grace and continue to seek out what's seeking me, if you know what I mean.

I mean, just sharing this blog post with you guys has gotten me all excited - I'm hitting all five in one fell swoop. Look at me, making progress 'n shiiiii.