One thing I find I struggle with almost daily is letting go of people who (or opportunities that) are not meant for me. You know what I mean? Knowing logically in my head that it’s not a good fit, but there’s a longing that arises from the core of my bones and envelopes my entire body, whispering, “what if?” Hope can often be beautiful, but just as often heart-wrenching.
I always know when I deserve better, I’m not blinded. When I’m not being treated with the utmost respect, or my time and attention are being taken for granted, I notice. But sometimes I feel seen, and heard, and loved the way I want to be loved, and those sometimes – no matter how fleeting – can be reason enough to wait, to wish, to fantasize, and ultimately to settle.
Why is it that we settle or long for people who treat us like we’re ordinary? Why are we met with disappointment when something doesn’t work out, when a door closes, even when deep down we know we’re better off because of it?
Non-attachment is hard. There’s no black, there’s no white, it’s an entirely grey area – at least in my humble opinion, that is. When I invest my time, when I wear my heart on my sleeve, when there’s any degree of vulnerability at play, I find it nearly impossible not to be attached in some way, shape, or form.
When someone says, “Just let go,” or “Just don’t get too attached,” I think but HOW? It’s like telling someone to disarm a bomb and not giving them any instructions. Seriously. I’m asking – how? If there was a switch, I’d flip it so fast. So. Damn. Fast. But there isn’t, so I’m stuck searching for a way to deal.
Is time truly the only thing that can inspire healing? Because I’ve tried an array of different options – my go-tos being retail therapy, eating, and packing my schedule so full that I barely have enough time to sleep. But these just help on a surface level, they’re quick-fixes that don’t heal and definitely don’t bring closure.
I have some ideas on the self-healing process and learning to “let go”, if you will, but I’m not exactly sure on the steps it takes to get there. How to create true, lasting change. I think a major player in the non-attachment game is to cultivate a sense of self that isn’t linked to external factors like the approval, love, or sense of belonging we so often seek from others, but I’m not sure on how to go about doing that.
For what it’s worth, here’s what I would tell someone who came to me seeking advice on healing and acceptance:
What you seek, it’s seeking you. Trust the timing of your life, and have faith in the notion that all the love you wish to receive can and surely will be yours. Just because something doesn’t work out the way you planned, or you’re not just the right fit for someone else, it does not take away from your innate wholeness, worthiness, or enoughness. You are, without prerequisites of any kind, always all three of these things – and no one and nothing can take away from that, unless you give up the power to do so. When you find yourself facing a big, fat “no”, it could just as easily be a “not now” or a “yes” if you have patience and courage to keep putting yourself out there. But if it doesn’t evolve, it’s because it wasn’t meant to.
So, friends, I ask you: what does your process of letting go/practicing non-attachment look like? What does your healing salve consist of? What does the pep-talk you give yourself when you’re met with disappointment and unmet expectations look like? Or maybe, what is the best advice you’ve received from someone on the subject? Answer one, answer all, answer none, but I’d love to hear from you whether you send me a private message or comment below. Heart you all so much.