just let go

I have this vision in my head of how my life is supposed to play out: where I'll live, what I'll do for a living, who my friends will be, who I'll fall in love with and even what I'll name my two dogs (Sean and Gus.) As time goes by and I'm not "on track" with what I've imagined, or certain aspects of my life stray from the plan, I get a little neurotic. I'm pretty sure I've talked about how I'm a planner, often to a fault, in a previous post or two. Some of you can relate to that, right?

I've started to realize trying to stick so steadfastly to the path I think I should be on is getting in the way of well, life. Of serendipity, happenstance, surprise and delight, spontaneity and ultimately happiness. I'm constantly trying to create space for these big, benchmark moments that may or may not even happen, while being blind to things that are going on all around me each and every day.

In short, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I forget to live. I forget to be open to new people, places, experiences and even ideas. I forget to be grateful. I forget to have big belly laughs. I forget to be myself. I get so caught up in ego, want and desire that I let beautiful moments pass me by, perhaps never to come my way again. I'm a true believer in that, what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me, but I also believe that something can only change your life if you let it, if you're open to it.

Like I've mentioned before, I believe that everything happens, or doesn't, for a reason. I believe that timing is everything--when something is supposed to work itself out, it will. For example, I'm planting the seeds and putting what I want out into the universe but I've just recently realized that there's no rush. This is really hard for me because I'm not exactly patient. I search for instant gratification and I like things to move along at a steady pace. That's just the way I'm wired, I guess. I wouldn't go as far to say that I believe in destiny, but I believe that what is meant to be will be. What matters most isn't what might or could be, but what is right here and now. It's all about finding that balance between trusting the universe to give back to you what you put out and being happy with exactly where you are right now.

So, here's to letting go of the life I think I should be living and diving into the one that I am living.

namaste, bitches.