25. Welp, that one snuck up on me real quick. As of today, I have 25 trips around the sun under my belt and can now rent a car without tacking on the underage fee...oh boy, what a time to be alive.
I feel old. I know, I know. Many of you will completely agree with me and then many of you are probably thinking 'fuck you', or something along those lines. At the same time, though, I also feel young--at least in the sense that most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing. Or at least that's how I feel.
I'll be honest, I was dreading 25. I went through a quarter-life crisis of sorts during the months leading up to my birthday. When I looked at the goals I had set and the visions I had crafted in those first few years after graduating college, the life I have now looks nothing like I imagined. I had this constant, nagging feeling of being behind in life. I felt lost. I used old, out-dated metrics as well as the accomplishments, goals, and visions of other people as benchmarks to measure my quality of life and the grandeur of my successes--or failures for that matter.
This was wrong for so, so many reasons, but mostly because my vision and goals haven't been updated since my last birthday, maybe even since before that. Life moves fast and the only constant is change, which means V&Gs only truly work if they, and my own mindset and expectations, are fluid fluid and adaptable.
Another big oopsie was that I was comparing myself to others, and I can't think of any truer adage than 'comparison is the root of all unhappiness'. Damn. Friggen. Straight. I must remind myself of this on the regular. I'm talking every single day - if not down to the minute. I will always feel a sense of scarcity when comparing myself to someone else simply because we are on entirely different paths and timelines.
My first conscious decision to help myself out of my self-proclaimed crisis was to, essentially, count my blessings. I always make a shift to return to a grateful, appreciative state of mind as a reset. This part was extremely easy because I was feeeeeling the love from friends and family all over the world. To anyone who reached out in any way, shape or form, or carved out time for me in your busy schedule, thank you, thank you, thank you. I fucking love you. You made my birthday so, so special.
After taking time to be grateful for all the incredible humans in my life, I moved on to acknowledge and appreciate all of the incredible experiences and opportunities that have come my way through equal amounts of arduous work and complete luck.
All of the sudden, 25 started to feel a lot more like clarity, rather than utter chaos and confusion. Truly, just like that. Let's call this the 'gratitude switch', if you will, and once that switch was flipped I swear to you, all the things (seriously, all the things) I had been pondering and manifesting started to fall into place. I know it might seem like I use the M word all willy nilly, but I truly think it felt like magic.
The one piece of of the puzzle that made everything else come together? I officially (with the support and encouragement of my people) set my mind on a decision I have been debating the past several months: I am going back to school to become a teacher. I want to teach English and eventually, I want to teach some sort of creative writing elective. There, I said it. I have thrown it out into the universe and am patiently waiting to see what comes back my way. I have not made any decisions or done one single ounce of planning as I am not ready or wanting to embark on this journey just yet, but it has all been set into motion. All I know is that my heart does a back flip every time I envision myself being able to share yet another passion of mine, writing and storytelling, with others. The last time I felt this kind of spine-tingling excitement, determination, and sense of purpose was when I decided to become a yoga teacher. Stay tuned.
25, let's see what you've got. I'm so fucking ready.