the power of saying no

A wise woman (Jacki Carr) once said to me, "Your yes is only as powerful as your no." At this exact moment, the figurative light bulb floating above my head flickered on with so much force that it nearly shattered into a million tiny pieces. This was a total game changer for me, you guys. Since that fateful moment, I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on the subject of yes and no.

Stemming from my "real" post on how I'm a people pleaser, I've started to notice that yes gets a thrown around a lot, many times willy nilly if you know what I mean. Yes to this, yes to that, yes to everything. This gif sums up my relationship with yes:

You get a yes! And you get a yes! And you get a yes! Everyone gets a yes!

And then I find myself stretched thin, committing to things I have no desire to do or that I want to do I just plain don't have the time for. And then come the maybes. And then come the cancellations. And inevitably then comes guilt following up the pack and inspiring shame and insecurity to step up to the plate as well. It's a nasty little cycle - a hamster wheel I've been stuck on for far too long. And then, worst of all, my yes becomes untrustworthy and pretty much useless. This is no bueno, man. No bueno at all.

It's not because I'm a flake, at least not intentionally. It's either because a.) I want to and I want to connect with you, or b.) I don't want to but I want to connect with you. Does that make sense? It has become a second nature for me to spit out a yes, rather than standing behind what I truly want and need - which might be next week rather than this week, yoga instead of pilates (pilates? oh hell no, I thought you said PIE and LATTES!) or an extra hour of sleep rather than an early AM coffee date.

For me, what this comes down to is twofold: my willingness to say yes when I really mean no is first and foremost me not being able to unapologetically step into who I am, what I want, and what I need; it's also about balance - which is something I've always struggled to create for myself. I've always believed that If I'm not running from one thing to the next, perpetually exhausted and hustling, then I'm not doing it right. Well, that's a whole other story to be discussed, but let's just leave it at no, it doesn't have to be like that.

So, I've been experimenting with saying no. I'm trying it on here and there, and I'm surprisingly starting to like it. I still throw out a yes or a maybe every now and then when I shouldn't, but I'm only human.

I'm starting to fall in love with the fact that there are little to no residual feelings leftover after a hearty no like there are after an uncertain yes or an half-hearted maybe. There's clarity's and satisfaction in knowing my no is helping to create space for "fuck yes" - which as you know I am all about as of late.

With that being said, try not to take it personally next time you get a hard no from me. It's not you, it's all me baby. Know that next time you get a yes it means I'm all in and ready to rock.