I'm not exactly talking about the song by Beyonce, but I'm not exactly NOT talking about it either. But for real, let's talk ego.

Whoa there. Ego, you say? What ego? I've often labeled others as having "big" egos, but never really considered myself as an egotistical person. Honestly, I never really acknowledged the fact that I have one until recently - as in like, yesterday. We all have one whether we'd like to own it or not. Egos come in all different shapes, sizes and flavors if you know what I mean. I'm not sure where the disconnect has been all these years, but since I've made an effort to date myself (the irony of including this in a post about ego is not lost on me, but I swear it's NOT what it sounds like - I'll explain in another post) I've come to get to know my ego really, really well. I'm no narcissist, and I don't consider myself cocky, self-involved or anything else that is typically associated with egotism, but I have an ego nonetheless. I'm only human, after all.

We're about to get real here, people. Brace yourselves.

Sometimes I wonder why a guy would dare to date another girl over me. It's not uncommon for me to get a little envious when someone is better at something than I am. A lot of times I wonder why I don't have a butt load of likes on my Instagram pic. I ALWAYS wonder why I didn't get hired for the job and someone else did. I can get so broody over why someone should be choosing me, thinking about me, praising me, etc. that I forget about the world around me, that their are other people out there. I get a little obsessive - neurotic, if you will.

HELLO. There's real stuff going on out there and WAY more important things to be thinking about. C'mon girl. Get your shit together - this isn't The Jenna Show.

Yesterday when I was out for my morning hike, I reached the top of the trail and was faced with a stupidly beautiful view of Aspen Mountain. Ajax loomed over me like this magic, miraculous, all-powerful kind of force. Yeah, you could say some instant humbling went down. Ego, deflated. All of the sudden my problems, my insecurities, my worries didn't seem so big, so bad. I think as humans we tend to get so involved in ourselves, in each other, in our day-to-day lives that we forget we're not the only ones out there - that we're just a small piece of the puzzle that is the universe.

So, next time my ego tries to take the wheel, I'll remember the mountains. If I didn't hit this point home already, I don't think there's anything wrong with an ego. It's innate, it's something inherent to being human. I just think it's important to recognize when my ego is inflating a little too much and adjust accordingly. That's all. If you're with me when this happens and I fail to recognize or do something about it, call me out yo! Give my ego a solid smacking until I come back down to earth. Don't let me get away with that shit. I give you full permission, because you can be sure that I'll be doing the same for you.

Namaste, bitches. xx


I like to do things that I'm good at. We all do, right? There's something infectious about knowing you're going to completely nail something. Crush it. Conquer it. Well, sometimes I get so caught up in sticking to things that (I think) I'm good at, that I forget to be a beginner. This is why snowboarding is good for my soul.

My first run in seven years--which took place just over a month ago--was so. much. fun. I looked ridiculous and I couldn't make it more than 20 feet without falling, but I was having a blast. Then the second time came around and I was still falling much more than my butt and knees wanted to handle. And the third. And the fourth. By this time I was pissed and I let my ego convince me that I hated snowboarding... Umm hello, it's just snowboarding. Why so serious? Disliking something because I'm not good at is just stupid--and I realize that now. I could count on both hands the number of times I've gone snowboarding and I'm already ruling it out? Come on. I mean it's one of the most unnatural things I can think of: having both legs strapped to a board and flying down the side of a MOUNTAIN on snow. I think it's OK if I haven't mastered it after less than a dozen tries.

So, I'm committing to keep on shredding the gnar gnar on the pow pow (ha ha), keeping an open mind and being a beginner more often. Bring on the newness.