life lessons



I'm not exactly talking about the song by Beyonce, but I'm not exactly NOT talking about it either. But for real, let's talk ego.

Whoa there. Ego, you say? What ego? I've often labeled others as having "big" egos, but never really considered myself as an egotistical person. Honestly, I never really acknowledged the fact that I have one until recently - as in like, yesterday. We all have one whether we'd like to own it or not. Egos come in all different shapes, sizes and flavors if you know what I mean. I'm not sure where the disconnect has been all these years, but since I've made an effort to date myself (the irony of including this in a post about ego is not lost on me, but I swear it's NOT what it sounds like - I'll explain in another post) I've come to get to know my ego really, really well. I'm no narcissist, and I don't consider myself cocky, self-involved or anything else that is typically associated with egotism, but I have an ego nonetheless. I'm only human, after all.

We're about to get real here, people. Brace yourselves.

Sometimes I wonder why a guy would dare to date another girl over me. It's not uncommon for me to get a little envious when someone is better at something than I am. A lot of times I wonder why I don't have a butt load of likes on my Instagram pic. I ALWAYS wonder why I didn't get hired for the job and someone else did. I can get so broody over why someone should be choosing me, thinking about me, praising me, etc. that I forget about the world around me, that their are other people out there. I get a little obsessive - neurotic, if you will.

HELLO. There's real stuff going on out there and WAY more important things to be thinking about. C'mon girl. Get your shit together - this isn't The Jenna Show.

Yesterday when I was out for my morning hike, I reached the top of the trail and was faced with a stupidly beautiful view of Aspen Mountain. Ajax loomed over me like this magic, miraculous, all-powerful kind of force. Yeah, you could say some instant humbling went down. Ego, deflated. All of the sudden my problems, my insecurities, my worries didn't seem so big, so bad. I think as humans we tend to get so involved in ourselves, in each other, in our day-to-day lives that we forget we're not the only ones out there - that we're just a small piece of the puzzle that is the universe.

So, next time my ego tries to take the wheel, I'll remember the mountains. If I didn't hit this point home already, I don't think there's anything wrong with an ego. It's innate, it's something inherent to being human. I just think it's important to recognize when my ego is inflating a little too much and adjust accordingly. That's all. If you're with me when this happens and I fail to recognize or do something about it, call me out yo! Give my ego a solid smacking until I come back down to earth. Don't let me get away with that shit. I give you full permission, because you can be sure that I'll be doing the same for you.

Namaste, bitches. xx

love love

I was talking with one of the most beautiful souls I've come across in this vast world and she said something that I had never heard before, "I fall in love with everyone I meet." She then proceeded to talk about how that love comes in many different forms, but it's always there. Wow, I love that. I've always looked at the word love as a very heavy, serious thing, not to be used lightly and definitely to be used sparingly. Love has always seemed like something that needed to be earned, to be worked for. Well, I've been dead wrong all of this time.

People always say that you should sprinkle kindness around like confetti, that shit's contagious, and I'm starting to realize the same applies for love. Be love. Spread love. Because why the f*** not? I'm not talking about the let's-get-married, I-want to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love, (but by all means, if that's what you've got to give than get to it!) but just plain love. The I-appreciate-you, seeing-you-makes-my-day-brighter kind of love. Life is far too short not to be constantly telling the people who matter most in your life that you love them. I don't ever want someone who has my love--in whatever capacity that is--to go without knowing.

I didn't intend to drop the "meaning of life" bomb, but it's just going to have to happen anyways. The meaning of life isn't made up of what we did for a living, how much money we raked in, where we traveled, what we accomplished, or any of that petty B.S.--but you know this. In my humble opinion, our purpose in life has much more to do with how we made people feel; how fervently, brilliantly and ferociously we loved. I truly believe we're put on this earth to create relationships and connect with each other. It's as simple as that. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, the only thing that matters once you strip away ego, desire, lust, greed and all of that good stuff, is our relationships. Our love.

As one of my favorite authors once wrote, "There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." (Preach, Mr. Fitzgerald, preach.) Whether that's brotherly love, motherly love, best friend love, you-make-the-best-latte-in-town love or anything in between, it's all love, and the world needs a lot more of it.

Namaste, bitches.

(P.s. I wrote love 22 times in this brief post, I know.)