fearless

in

adjective 1. without fear; bold or brave; intrepid.

I've never considered myself fearless. Out of all the times I've had to describe myself in three words or give my 30 second elevator speech, it has never made the cut. It has never even crossed my mind, really.

Lately, the word has taken on an entirely different meaning. Let's be honest, there isn't a human being on this planet that is truly without fear. If you say that you are, I don't believe you.  Whether you're young or old, American or Chinese, rich or poor, an introvert or extrovert, we all have something that scares us, that gives us pause--if only for a moment. To me, fearless means choosing to take chances and make decisions despite not knowing what may come, or perhaps knowing exactly what's ahead; It's choosing to change, grow and learn regardless of whatever fears or woes you may have.

With that being said, I guess I could consider myself a whole lot more fearless--but there's always room for growth. Sure, there are times when I've thrown caution to the wind or gone with my heart instead of my head, but I can think of just as many or more times when I made, or didn't make, a decision out of fear. Fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of uncertainty and the list goes on. Not to say that fear is always the masked villain, the antagonist, because it can also be useful, but it's all about being aware of where you stand in the face of fear. Fear has been playing a much bigger role in my life than I ever realized and here's what I have to say about it: fuck it.

In my mind, vulnerability is one of the best, most sensible, yet hardest ways to combat fear. But when is the right thing ever the easiest? Being vulnerable is not something that I'm good at. I fear all of the aforementioned, so I tend to build walls, make assumptions and come to a conclusion about something often times before it has even started. I'm so emotionally constipated that I either say things that I don't mean to divert the attention away from my true feelings, or not even raise my voice at all. Enough with all of that.

So, I will keep a close eye on my fears, always taking them into consideration but never letting them hold me back. I will love without the expectation of being loved in return. I will take risks without certainty of reward. I will say exactly what I feel and mean without knowing what will be said in return. I will live, not just exist, because I am fearless.

Namaste, bitches.

love love

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I was talking with one of the most beautiful souls I've come across in this vast world and she said something that I had never heard before, "I fall in love with everyone I meet." She then proceeded to talk about how that love comes in many different forms, but it's always there. Wow, I love that. I've always looked at the word love as a very heavy, serious thing, not to be used lightly and definitely to be used sparingly. Love has always seemed like something that needed to be earned, to be worked for. Well, I've been dead wrong all of this time.

People always say that you should sprinkle kindness around like confetti, that shit's contagious, and I'm starting to realize the same applies for love. Be love. Spread love. Because why the f*** not? I'm not talking about the let's-get-married, I-want to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you love, (but by all means, if that's what you've got to give than get to it!) but just plain love. The I-appreciate-you, seeing-you-makes-my-day-brighter kind of love. Life is far too short not to be constantly telling the people who matter most in your life that you love them. I don't ever want someone who has my love--in whatever capacity that is--to go without knowing.

I didn't intend to drop the "meaning of life" bomb, but it's just going to have to happen anyways. The meaning of life isn't made up of what we did for a living, how much money we raked in, where we traveled, what we accomplished, or any of that petty B.S.--but you know this. In my humble opinion, our purpose in life has much more to do with how we made people feel; how fervently, brilliantly and ferociously we loved. I truly believe we're put on this earth to create relationships and connect with each other. It's as simple as that. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, the only thing that matters once you strip away ego, desire, lust, greed and all of that good stuff, is our relationships. Our love.

As one of my favorite authors once wrote, "There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." (Preach, Mr. Fitzgerald, preach.) Whether that's brotherly love, motherly love, best friend love, you-make-the-best-latte-in-town love or anything in between, it's all love, and the world needs a lot more of it.

Namaste, bitches.

(P.s. I wrote love 22 times in this brief post, I know.)

just let go

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I have this vision in my head of how my life is supposed to play out: where I'll live, what I'll do for a living, who my friends will be, who I'll fall in love with and even what I'll name my two dogs (Sean and Gus.) As time goes by and I'm not "on track" with what I've imagined, or certain aspects of my life stray from the plan, I get a little neurotic. I'm pretty sure I've talked about how I'm a planner, often to a fault, in a previous post or two. Some of you can relate to that, right?

I've started to realize trying to stick so steadfastly to the path I think I should be on is getting in the way of well, life. Of serendipity, happenstance, surprise and delight, spontaneity and ultimately happiness. I'm constantly trying to create space for these big, benchmark moments that may or may not even happen, while being blind to things that are going on all around me each and every day.

In short, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I forget to live. I forget to be open to new people, places, experiences and even ideas. I forget to be grateful. I forget to have big belly laughs. I forget to be myself. I get so caught up in ego, want and desire that I let beautiful moments pass me by, perhaps never to come my way again. I'm a true believer in that, what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me, but I also believe that something can only change your life if you let it, if you're open to it.

Like I've mentioned before, I believe that everything happens, or doesn't, for a reason. I believe that timing is everything--when something is supposed to work itself out, it will. For example, I'm planting the seeds and putting what I want out into the universe but I've just recently realized that there's no rush. This is really hard for me because I'm not exactly patient. I search for instant gratification and I like things to move along at a steady pace. That's just the way I'm wired, I guess. I wouldn't go as far to say that I believe in destiny, but I believe that what is meant to be will be. What matters most isn't what might or could be, but what is right here and now. It's all about finding that balance between trusting the universe to give back to you what you put out and being happy with exactly where you are right now.

So, here's to letting go of the life I think I should be living and diving into the one that I am living.

namaste, bitches.

new perspective

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Colorado is home to many rad things, and as it turns out winter just happens to be one of them.

After spending 22 winters in Minnesota, I had pretty much written winter off forever. Minnesota winter had 22 chances to win over my heart and failed miserably. The final straw was last winter when I found myself walking across campus to classes in -20some degrees windchill because we had so many days off due to extreme cold (i.e. -50 degrees) that -20 was no longer "that cold." No thank you, mother nature. No thank you.

I thoroughly enjoy leaving my house without the fear of frostbite. It's a good, warm, fuzzy feeling. If I still owned a car, I would enjoy not fearing that the doors won't open or the car itself wouldn't start due to stupidly low temps. Today I even ventured out to Smuggler and embarked on my first winter hike--which is no biggie for anyone who's a true Aspenite--but is a huge deal for this chick from the tundra. Participating in outdoor activities during the winter besides pond hockey? It's practically unheard of.

My favorite part about winter in Colorado? The SUN. It's a crazy concept for me, since we so very rarely are blessed with the yellow round guy in the sky during winters back home. It's true what they say: It's always sunny in Colorado. Nobody has SAD here or needs a happy lamp, there's plenty of vitamin D to go around all winter. It's simply fantastic.

I guess the point of me telling you this story is two-fold, the first reason being I wanted to share my new found love of the chillier months after having such a disdain for it all of my life. It's crazy how something I've dreaded for so many years can turn into a beautiful thing--it's refreshing to get a new perspective. The second reason being a little shameless self promotion to get some visitors out here. My couch is always open, you guys! I love when people come and see me : )

namaste, bitches. xo

come alive

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This.

In 2015, it is my mission to pursue what makes me come alive. It's mind blowing to think of how different the world be if everyone did exactly what they loved. For me, this is writing and traveling. Not just writing and traveling as two separate entities, but writing about my travels. To me, they are two halves of a whole. I can't think of a time when I was more inspired to write and share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with the world than when I spent a semester abroad in Europe. I was just as excited to write about my travels as I was to physically participate them. I think it's the excitement of trying something for the first time or the unique experiences that inevitably come along with traveling that I'm drawn to. Ask me to speak in front of a group? I'm breaking out in hives, stuttering and popping a double dose of my anxiety meds. Ask me to write something? I'll write you a freaking novel. #nerdalert

What does this look like for me, exactly? Starting with baby steps, the first one being exactly this: putting what I want out into the universe. Check.

Next? Writing more. Over the last few months I've been really good at making excuses about why I'm not writing, including: "I'm too busy," "I'm too tired," and "I don't have anything interesting to write about." Wrong, all wrong. After an inspirational conversation with one of the coolest humans I've ever met, I was reminded that I should be writing every day. Writing is like a muscle; if you don't use it, you lose it. It's something that I am committing to every single day from here on out, whether it's a paragraph or a page. Don't worry, I won't be using this as my public, online diary. I'll spare you all the behind-the-scenes writing and save the good stuff (or at least what I think is the good stuff) for the blog. Promise.

Having things to write about is also a slightly important piece of this puzzle. This means breaking out of my dailey routine (ha, see what I did there? Bad joke...) and constantly putting myself in a position where I'm vulnerable and open to new experiences each and every day, not just when I have big plans. I tend to find a routine that works for me--no matter how boring and mundane it may be--and sticking to it. I find myself playing it safe and thinking twice, more often three or four times, about straying from what I'm used to. Well, that's all about to change. Bring on the spontaneity and open-mindedness. I'm ready for ya.

What comes after steps one, two and three? I have lots of ideas, but there's nothing set in stone. I have a gut feeling that I'll know exactly when I'm supposed to. I say that not because I'm lazy and expect amazing things to just fall into my lap, but because I believe in timing. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that opportunities aren't presented to you before you're ready (whether you believe you are or not) and that the dots always connect down the road.

Cheers to doing what makes us come alive. Let's see where this takes me.

 

Namaste, bitches.

humility

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I like to do things that I'm good at. We all do, right? There's something infectious about knowing you're going to completely nail something. Crush it. Conquer it. Well, sometimes I get so caught up in sticking to things that (I think) I'm good at, that I forget to be a beginner. This is why snowboarding is good for my soul.

My first run in seven years--which took place just over a month ago--was so. much. fun. I looked ridiculous and I couldn't make it more than 20 feet without falling, but I was having a blast. Then the second time came around and I was still falling much more than my butt and knees wanted to handle. And the third. And the fourth. By this time I was pissed and I let my ego convince me that I hated snowboarding... Umm hello, it's just snowboarding. Why so serious? Disliking something because I'm not good at is just stupid--and I realize that now. I could count on both hands the number of times I've gone snowboarding and I'm already ruling it out? Come on. I mean it's one of the most unnatural things I can think of: having both legs strapped to a board and flying down the side of a MOUNTAIN on snow. I think it's OK if I haven't mastered it after less than a dozen tries.

So, I'm committing to keep on shredding the gnar gnar on the pow pow (ha ha), keeping an open mind and being a beginner more often. Bring on the newness.

a year in reflection: 2014

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Ahh, another year in the books. Seriously, did 2014 go by even faster than 2013? I'm scared that I'll blink and it will be 2056, which is why I'm taking the time to reflect on the last year and express my gratitude for all of the kick ass experiences I was so lucky to have.

The first that comes to mind was opening the lululemon at the Edina Galleria. It was a blast getting to experience a new store opening and be a part of the whole process. The best part? The amazing group of lemons that I now consider my family--I miss you all every single day. You changed my life, truly.

Next up is graduation--it's hard to believe that I'm coming up on a full year of being a post grad this spring. Oy. I wouldn't go as far to say that college was the best four years of my life, because I have way too much time ahead of me to say that the best years of my life are behind me, but it was F-U-N. I made countless questionable decisions, but you can be sure I always (eventually) came out on top. I met some of the coolest humans that I now call my best friends and the distance from my childhood and high school friends strengthened and deepened our relationships more than I could have ever imagined. I suppose I did a little studying here and there too, ha! I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it, but at the same time you couldn't pay me to do it all again.

Not too long after graduating, I celebrated turning 22 surrounded by all of my favorite people--it was definitely a benchmark birthday. It still makes me smile thinking about all of the people who made it special.

Then, Aspen happened. I knew from the start that moving to a town I had never been before and where I didn't know a soul was going to be a life changing experience--and boy is it ever. I've gotten to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and not one second of it has been lost on me. I'm grateful every single day for this rare opportunity and the support from my family that without, none of this would be possible. Through truly living on my own for the first time and working with yet another amazing group of lemons (seriously, how did I get so lucky?!) I have learned more about myself and how to be a human being in the real world than I ever thought was possible. It hasn't all been easy, in fact at times it has been really fucking hard, but I think that the best things in life are fought for. Right? My days left here in Aspen may be numbered (that number is still up in the air), but I have never once doubted that I was meant to come to Aspen and that this is exactly where I need to be at this time in my life. Aspen will always be my home away from home.

With that being said, I'm going into 2015 with an open mind. I have no resolutions. All I'm committing to is staying true to my intentions of always trusting my gut, strengthening my relationships and doing what makes me happy, all of which I'm carrying over from 2014. I have complete faith in the universe that I will experience exactly what was meant for me in the coming year and that anything that misses me was not meant for me.

Here's to the adventure ahead that is 2015. Cheers!

that full moon though

in

We've all--perhaps tirelessly--heard the phrase "enjoy the little things" or a similar adaptation. Well, the little things are the best. Seriously. I've loved that saying ever since the first time I laid eyes on it, but I don't think I truly put it into practice or appreciated its true 'essence,' if you will, until now. It only took me 22 years and moving to a new town in a another state where I didn't know a soul.

When you're constantly living and breathing outside of your comfort zone, you begin to notice things you probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise or that you constantly take for granted. The other night I was walking home from a night out on the town and I couldn't help but ogle over the full moon. Sure, I've seen countless full moons, but that night I really couldn't a.) stop talking about it, b.) stop staring at it or c.) stop smiling. I mean I had this huge, toothy grin on my face and I was blabbing about it for the whole walk home--my friend must have wanted to duct tape my mouth shut or just completely knock me out. Oh, and don't even get me started on those stars. It was like I had never seen either of them before. The reason why I'm even writing about this now is that I truly don't remember the last time I took the time to look up at a starry sky and appreciate its beauty. It was breathtaking.

The next day when I woke up, I still had those damn stars and full moon on my mind. This got me to thinking about all of those other things that I may have been missing out on or not fully appreciating, and the list I came up with was truly infinite: The check-in texts from friends and family, people smiling as we pass on a trail or on the streets, the baristas at Peach's asking for--and proceeding to remember--my name, a good book, my brother offering to pick me up from the airport, etc.

Although small, when strung together these seemingly tiny things evolve into one big, continuous streak of happy. An endless supply of warm fuzzies--and who doesn't want that, right? Sometimes I get caught up in looking for those grand gestures that will take my breath away or flip my world upside down, but really they may never happen and that's just not a sustainable way to enjoy life.

The little things are happening all the time, everywhere you turn, you just have to be paying enough attention to see them. The choice is yours.

anywhere but here

in

I've started to realize what I thought was one of my biggest strengths is actually one of my biggest weaknesses: multitasking. My mom has scolded me on multitasking since I was in junior high, but I've always rolled my eyes and continued doing my homework, while watching TV, while texting and checking my Facebook, for example. Welp, here I am however many years later and I'm finally seeing that Mom was right...as usual. When I'm on a hike or at yoga, I think about what I'm going to eat after I work out (but really, when am I not thinking about what I'm going to eat next?) When I'm at work, I think about what I'll be doing once I get off. When I'm at home watching TV, I'm doing work and sending emails. When I'm out to dinner with friends or family, I'm constantly checking my phone. I stop paying attention for what seems like a second and when I finally snap back into the moment, I realize that I've missed so much more than that. When did I realize this was a problem for me? When I got so caught up in what I'll be doing in a year from now that I forgot to enjoy my new home...ASPEN. How stupid is that? I know, I kind of want to slap me too. This is no bueno, people. No bueno at all. I'm missing out on things that are happening right here, right now, and wasting my time worrying about things that haven't even happened or that might not even happen at all. W T F.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem...

Well, in an effort to not miss out anymore of my life, I'm making a commitment to just be present. It might sound simple, but it's something that doesn't come easy for me. Whether I'm watching TV, at work or on the phone with the fam, I'm going to be all there. I refuse to miss out on anything else. There is a time and a place for everything, and that time and place is not while I'm already doing something else (that sounded really great in my head, but I'm not so sure now that I've written it down...) Feel free to call me out on this if you notice me not staying true to my commitment, in fact, please do.

Well, here goes nothing. Cheers to being present, people, because all we have is now.
 

self love

in

Yep. Self love. I need A LOT more of that in my life. (No, not that kind. I know at least some of you went there.)

Self love is a term that I've come to be very familiar with throughout my journey into yoga and from following some of the brightest and most compassionate yogis like Jacki Carr and Mary Beth LaRue. Although it's something I've been hearing for years and is always at the back of my mind, it's something that I've never put into practice.

I've found that, like many other things, self love is a lot easier said than done--at least for me. Brace yourself, because I'm going to be awkwardly, brutally, terribly honest: I don't love myself. I really, really don't. I can never live up to the standards I set for myself and nothing I ever do is good enough. Quite honestly, I could go on forever: I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm not funny enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm simply not enough--not for myself, not for anyone. Well, shit. What good does this kind of thinking do me? Absolutely none at all.

The turning point? Taking a moment to slow down and think about the past several months and realizing that I wasn't proud of myself for graduating college or moving to Aspen. Wtf? I've gotten to the point where I'm not satisfied with ANYTHING that I do, and these are definitely things that anyone else would and should be ecstatic about.

What's the root of this problem? Looking for happiness in others--which, as it turns out, isn't a sustainable way to be happy. It's actually exhausting, fleeting and ultimately just makes me miserable. Not to say that others can't and don't contribute to my happiness, but true happiness is something that I have to find within myself and allow myself to have.

Well, enough with all of these fucking not-enoughs. I'm more than ready to be happy and, even though it pains me to say it, I deserve it. I do.

It's a slow process--definitely baby steps--but I'm learning that it's OK to be happy with myself, to be proud of something that I did or that I created. I'm trying to teaching myself that I won't burst into flames if I acknowledge myself for something I did. Being happy with myself doesn't inherently make make me conceited, it doesn't make me smug, it doesn't make me selfish. It just makes me happy.

With that said, here's a little test run on self love: I acknowledge myself not only for being vulnerable (which is another thing I'm currently working on 'cause no one likes talking to a brick wall, right?) and writing down my darkest, innermost feelings in this post, but also for the fact that I'm taking time to write, which is something that is in my goals and is extremely important to me, but not always a priority.

Boom. I did it.

Cheers to self love, guys. Peace 'n blessings.

get lost

in ,

Today was great. Why? Because I got lost.

Why didn't I just use Google Maps or drop a pin? ...because where's the fun in that?

Although my hike started with the familiar, it ended with quite the opposite. I went up Smuggler and instead of going right back down, I decided to take the scenic Hunter Creek Trail for the first time. The moment I turned left for the Hunter Creek trail, I had no idea where I was going--and I couldn't have been happier. It was both exhilarating and uniquely refreshing to not know where I was headed or where I'd end up. Every path I went down and every corner I turned was entirely new--something that I haven't had the excitement of in way too long before I moved to Aspen. I was 120% present; I listened to the sound of the creek and the wind stirring up leaves, I paid attention to every bend in the path and I completely forgot about everything that wasn't right there in that moment. I took my time, I had nowhere I needed to be except exactly where I was. It was bliss, and I don't throw that word around freely. I was so happy to be doing something different that I even enjoyed the fricken birds chirping along the way. It was by no means an epiphany or revelation, but it was one of  those underrated "ah-hah moments" where I learned a little bit more about myself. I took a few "wrong turns"  but I mean really, is there such thing as a wrong turn when you're exploring?

When you live somewhere for 22 years, you get comfortable--you get in a routine. You could drive to the grocery store in your sleep. You know where all the great sushi restaurants are (and the not-so-great ones, too.) You know where to fill up with the cheapest gas. You tend to stick to what you know--at least that's my problem.

In order to get out of my routine, I had to get the heck outta Dodge. Most people probably don't need to pick up and jump state lines to get out of their routines, but that was exactly what I needed. I was too comfortable, which is how I know I needed a change. If I didn't get out and experience the world on my own--truly alone, not just "studying abroad" or moving into my own place 5 miles from home--I think I would have stayed forever. I'm at the point where I'm not entirely settled in and feeling like Aspen is home, but at the same time I know that if I had the choice to hop on a plane tomorrow and head back to the Minneapple I couldn't do it. I know I wouldn't be satisfied. There are too many I-have-no-idea-where-I'm-going-but-wherever-I-end-up-is-AOK-with-me adventures to be had. Not to say that I won't end up back in Minnesota someday, but I have way too much of the world to see before I know it's where I'm meant to end up.

From here on out I'm making a promise to myself to get lost more often. To never shy away from taking the road less traveled or trying something new, whether it's hiking a new trail or moving half-way across the world.

Let's see where I end up.

choose to see the good stuff

in

How much happier do you think we'd all be if we just shifted the way we looked at things? At the world?

Yesterday, I stood in line and couldn't help but eavesdrop on a father and daughter standing behind me. They bitched and moaned for probably 20 minutes--if not 30 or 40 (the line was reaaally long.) They complained about the buses not coming early, they complained about what people were--or weren't--wearing, they complained about how many people there were, and the list goes on. Honestly, it's a much shorter list to tell you what they didn't complain about than what they did.

Usually this kind of thing would affect my mood and I myself would start to complain and point out all the things that were wrong in that very moment--but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was going to have fun, god damnit. The sun was shining, I was spending some quality time with two of my favorite people and was about to hop on a bus to one of the most beautiful spots in Aspen. And then there's the simple fact that we're in Aspen--one of the most beautiful places in the world. What the hell is there to be miserable about? Nothing.

In the grand scheme of things, nothing these two people were complaining about matter even the slightest, but they let it. I realized that instead of reporting back to their loved ones about how perfect the weather was, how beautiful the scenery was or how much fun they had with each other, they would probably talk about everything they had been complaining about all morning--and that made me sad.

This got me thinking...

I really do have control over my life. I have choice--I always have choice. I can choose to take on the negative emotions and feelings of people around me--or other things I cannot control--and let it ruin my day, or not. My happiness is just that--mine--and it doesn't have to depend on other peoples'.

Piggybacking off of that learning, the second takeaway I have from this experience is that we really must choose to see the good stuff. You might think it sounds stupid, but that's probably just because you haven't actually given it a try. It's a small, simple shift that could change your entire life. Seriously. We can pick out all the things that drive us off our rockers and be miserable for the rest of our lives, or--even in the presence of those not-so-great things--we can choose happiness and see something good. It's really that simple.

 

week 1

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I did it, guys! This past Monday marks a full week of living in Aspen without training wheels (AKA my mom.)

We'll start with my living situation. First of all, in case you weren't already aware, rent is STUPIDLY expensive here in Aspen. I live a couple blocks down from a luxury mobile home community--trailer park just doesn't seem to do it justice. Wait, isn't that kind of an oxymoron, you ask? No. Not in Aspen. These places go for over twice as much as my real house back in MN. Nuts. Anyhoo, the universe was willing it because I managed to find an awesome roommate with an awesome condo after about three days of being in town. I'd like to think of her decoration style as 'rustic chic'--the place is seriously fabulous, you'll just have to come see for yourself. The best part so far? My bed came today so I can kiss the air mattress goodbye. Booya.

I've spent my time thus far working, getting my asanas on at yoga, exploring Aspen and meeting some super rad people along the way. Also, I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones--finally. And drinking a lot (but not too much, of course) of wine. Rough life, right?

My backyard is essentially Smuggler Mountain, which is a great spot for hiking and catching a great view of the city. My first solo attempt at hiking Smuggler was, to say the least, not pretty. It's a solid 1.4 mile hike to the viewpoint--which is well worth the trek--but if you're not acclimated, it's like 25 times harder, I swear. I was getting lapped left and right by all of these middle-aged people and senior citizens (no offense ya'll.) I quickly realized I'm the least in-shape person in Aspen. By a lot. (And probably poorest, which is neither here nor there, but it's true.) Also, my heart skipped about a million beats when I swear I saw a scorpion run across the path up ahead of me--it turned out to be a chipmunk. Fear quickly turned into adoration when I realized it was just a furry friend.

Anyhoo, I'll be honest--there are times when I'm having so much fun I don't even think about home, and then there are the times that I get so caught up in my insecurities and vulnerability I think it's game over for sure. Sometimes I feel like I could actually hop on a flight back to Minnesota--like when I pay eight dollars for ONE shot of Jose Cuervo at the bar (kidding but not...) or when I'm laying in bed at night without little Chuckie to cuddle with--but then I remember that change takes time. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about this place already from the people, to the scenery and to the small town vibe, but adjusting to a new place after having lived somewhere else for your entire life isn't easy. It's actually really, really hard--especially when you started off not knowing a soul. I'm scared to be here in a new place with new people and new experiences, but I'm even more scared to go back home, because I know if I do, I'll probably never get out on my own and do all of the cool sh*t I've always dreamed about. The easy thing to do would be to head back home where I'm more than comfortable, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I can't resist a challenge--I love a good one--and I know once I've gotten over all of the speed bumps (or humps, as the signs in CO say) I'll never want to leave. So stay I shall.

After all... if not now, when?

c u l8r

in ,

I blinked and just like that, summer has come and gone. Wtf? (Why That Face? according to my totally hip mom.) Time has a funny way of disappearing when you're loving, laughing and enjoying the heck out of life. Crazy, huh?

Oh, and one minor detail...I'm moving to Aspen tomorrow. Yeah. The day has FINALLY come, and I couldn't be more excited, but I would be flat out lying if I told you I'm not scared as hell at the same time.

Since I've returned from WE Fest (yes, that happened...) about three weeks ago, I've been so busy with work that I've barely had to time to pack and get ready, let alone process the change that is about to go down. Full disclosure here, peeps. There have been several moments (OK, a lot of moments) where I've spontaneously burst into tears in the last several days as things have finally started to sink in. (And typically the only thing that can bring me to tears are those sappy Sarah McLachlan commercials about abused animals.)

There's something both wildly exhilarating yet heart-wrenchingly bittersweet about buying a one-way ticket. The thought of not knowing when I'll get to sit down with my family for dinner, spend a night on the town with my friends or cuddle up with Charlie on the couch next is terrifying. Oy, cue the tears.

At the same time, the fact that I'm shakin' in my boots is a sign that I'm doing something right. I've come to the realization that change is scary--it just is--and if I weren't having second thoughts and worrying about what's to come next, well, that wouldn't be normal and that means I'm not getting far enough outside of my comfort zone. Also, I've realized that it's OK to second guess yourself when it comes to taking big leaps and chasing down dreams. What really matters is how you embrace the change and make it work for your life.

How am I going to do that, you ask? Good question...I suppose only time will tell. One thing I do know, though, is that I'm going into this with a completely open mind--bring on the new experiences, new people and obviously, new food, Aspen. I'm ready for ya.

Welp, people. Next time you'll be reading a post from me I'll be inhabiting the mountains in Colorado. Again, crazy. I'll obviously be home to visit whenever I can sneak away, but no promises on ever coming back to the homeland for good. I'm already madly in love with the mountains and I don't think that moving to Aspen is going to somehow reverse that. Sorry.

Stay tuned to hear about my adventures in Aspen. Teaser: I may be biking to work for awhile. (For those of you who don't know me, I. loathe. biking. It's been 10+ years since I've had an interaction with a two-wheeler and I'm less than thrilled. Why would anyone subject their crotch to the discomfort of a bike seat of their own free will? Thanks but no thanks.) Hashtag diva much?

This is far from a goodbye, btw. You're not getting rid of me that easily, my MN friends. You're going to have to put up with me for many, many more years to come whether you like it or not :)

Last thing, I swear. I don't care how long I live in Colorado, I will never ever be an Avalanche fan. Wild fan for life. Just sayin'.

xo

#goalcrush

in ,

Damn, it feels good to be a goal crusher.

Start saving up and requesting time off work, you guys. If you haven't already heard through the grapevine...this chick is moving to Aspen!

This is a dream come true in the most literal sense possible. Since I fell in love with the mountains during my trip to Switzerland, I have legitimately had dreams about frolicking through the mountains. (I know, it's weird to picture me frolicking.)

I've had goals to move to either New Zealand or Colorado (or really any where with a nice set of mountains) and become a Key Leader at lululemon athletica for several months now, and I was offered the job today after my second interview. MEEP. So surreal. I'm still not sure if I'll wake up in the morning and this will all have been a pigment of my imagination. Only time will tell ;)

No details have been decided upon yet, but you KNOW that I'll keep you guys updated. Obviously. You'll be hearing A LOT about Aspen in the next several weeks and months, people. Prepare yourselves.

take a f*cking chance

For the entirety of my life I've played it (pretty) safe. I opted out of trying out for the U19 World Junior Ultimate Championships for no good reason at all. I chose not to apply for several "dream" schools for practical reasons. I chose to go to school close to home at the University of Minnesota--my last choice out of eight schools--for again, practical reasons. Even my dreams have been on the safe side until recently. B-o-r-i-n-g.

Now that I've graduated and spent some time at home in my mom's basement, I've come to the realization: I need to start dreaming BIG. Why not? Everyone's always telling me to dream big--and I'm like yeah, well duh, why wouldn't I?--but I haven't actually been putting it into practice. I always say I'll do things but let's be honest, that means nothing if I'm not DOING them. This is changing. Now.

The first step: Writing down my goals. Check. You're seriously going to hate me for saying this, but I have to. It's so true. A goal is a dream with a deadline. There, I said it. (Sorry I'm not really sorry.) My goals are essentially a check list that keeps me hungry, ambitious and hold me accountable. They're the metaphorical ladder that leads to my (hopefully) not-so-metaphorical dream life. (Again, super cheesy. This time I really am sorry.)

The second step: Putting what I want out into the world. Check. I'm not usually one to talk for hours on end about myself--I'd rather hear what others have to say--but when you say what you want out loud and to others, things start to fall into place. It's seriously almost magical. It's ok to talk about and ask for what you want. Really. (This is a new concept for me.)

This is where my dream starts to grow it's roots. Long story short, I did exactly that. I shared my vision and goals with people and BOOM, things started to move forward slowly but surely. The next thing I know, I'm talking with the Store Managers of lululemon athletica Vail and Aspen. Nothing super serious or indicative yet, but still super awesome. (I've had goals to relocate to Colorado for quite some time now.)

Now, here comes the tie-in to my original point: Taking chances.

An opportunity at work opened up for a Key Lead position at my store (the position I have my eyes on in Colorado) and, after talking with some fellow lemons (I work at lululemon in case you weren't already aware) I decided I would push back my goals and apply for the position here at home.

My mind was set, or at least I thought it was. After talking with my mom and really letting the idea of staying in Minnesota sink in, I came to another realization: I was never going to get anywhere if I didn't start taking risks. I had been creating so many reasons in my head of why I shouldn't that I forgot to focus on all the reasons that I should. So, I decided to take a leap of faith and say no to a job that I had been wanting for months to pursue a dream. Eek.

A week later, I had a fantastic conversation with one of the store managers over the phone and will be having a follow-up interview in the next several days. This doesn't sound like much, but I have a feeling it's huge. I just know it. It's a step in the right direction and that's more than enough for me.

What I'm trying to say is this: Don't limit yourself by the walls you create for yourself. Dream big, take chances and go with your gut. Always go with your gut. Live in possibility because when nothing is certain, everything is possible. I took a chance and everything has started to fall into place, and if in the end it doesn't, I know that it wasn't meant to be. (Yes, I am one of those crazy people who believe that everything is connected and nothing is happenstance.) The worst thing that could happen is that you have to start over and take a different path. Big deal. Put what you want most out into the world and you will be pleasantly surprised. I swear it.

The universe has great things in store for us, we just have to have the balls to take risks and work hard to create the lives we have always imagined.